Getwellbean

The girls wanted to sleep with Kathleen last night (and unfortunately one threw up in the early morning and the other coughed all evening), which unfortunately gave Mike some time to reflect until deep in the night.
Time continues to pass since Kathleen's accident and our happy past seems even more removed. Complicated by political roadblocks to scientific research by Bush, I find myself wishing everyday to rewind everything and wake up from this ongoing nightmare Kathleen the girls and I share. To no avail...now what? I still remember watching the second video with Kathleen. Both of us were haunted by it and late the next evening we had the discussion...'what if.' If came way too soon afterwards. Now their is only sadness and a fake smile for the girls.

Your beautiful video of Kathleen says it all Mike. Thank you for sharing this.

Caron  

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Your web page is just heartbreaking and I think life is heartbreaking. We just have to keep putting one step in front of the other. There are no words of comfort, there are no answers.  

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I haven't watched the videos yet because I'm having DSL problems tonight. But I just wanted to say how sad I felt just reading your blog entry, and how I too wish Kathleen's whole situation could be rewound. (There are some very sad things in my own life, and in my family's life, that I also wish dearly that I could rewind). :(

For some reason, I can't get past what you wrote about the "fake smile" for the girls. I know what you mean about not wanting to show the depth of your grief/sadness/anger to them, because they're kids. However, are your smiles ALWAYS fake? I bet not. :)

As you know, I try to find even an ounce of good in anything bad, and in this case, I'm thinking that the good is that "the old Kathleen" still is present in those two healthy, intelligent, beautiful girls. They are really something to be thankful for. I know I probably sound like a mushy sap (*blush*), but I just wanted to remind you that when it comes to your daughters, your smile could never be anything but REAL! :) If I ever have kids, I hope they'd be as awesome as yours.

Of course, none of this takes away your daily pain. I don't know what to say that can comfort you in that respect. I think the person who signed above me is correct; sometimes there are no answers. But there's always hope!

Rambling as always (and still praying),
Shari  

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Dearest Mike,

As you can imagine, I know so well everything you feel and write about… I walk on your path and know too well the pain… of loosing your soul mate, best friend, life partner, lover, … of being a single parent and juggling so many things at the same time… of the loneliness, of the loss, of all the dreams of a lifetime destroyed and shattered, of the fear of an unknown future, of so many things…

I kept thinking of your entry ever since I read it… I wish there was comfort, I wish so bad that there was a solution; I wish so much I could have my life back with my husband, I wish…

I just want to say you have done such a great job and I always look up at how you handle things, at how far you have gone for Kathleen, at how pro-active you have been with your foundation… Yet I know how unfair is that such a horrible tragedy could have happened to couples that shared such profound love…

Actually I do not have many words for you as I do not know the answers myself for my own sorrow… but just wanted to say that you, Kathleen and your girls are always in my mind and I hope you continue to have the strength to carry on… Nothing is forever, neither happiness nor pain… I got to believe things will somehow get better.

With loving thoughts and wishes to all of you,

Koo, Chris, Gabriel.  

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Thanks everyone for your comments. My sister Kim made the video about 'her friend' a little over a year ago btw. Shari and Koo, thanks..you are right they aren't always fake and I'm hoping and praying for better days for all of us ahead. Koo and Chris' story can be found here.
http://www.hopeforchris.com  

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Hi Mike, Chris' website has been down for months, only his blog is up and running: http://chrisbarnes.blogharbor.com/

Koo  

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